prepare Him room

Draped under a purple burlap sky,
We wait, We fast;
We Pray, pregnant with Hope,
Anticipating a longed for Salvation,
For the word made flesh;

And, now, we behold His tiny form,
Bundled incarnate purity,
Swaddled pink humanity;
And his cry rings out
Echoing prophetic the voices of Eternity
And the weight of glory,
Falling on an audience of sheep and goats;

Joy to the World!
The Heavenlies welcome on earth
Whom they bowed to,
Whom they knew as King;
Magnificence unknown to human eye,
Left behind
For the chisel and plane,
For the olive wood,
For the ox and trough,
For smelly, moist, rotting hay.

Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!
Debts erased by his inch long fingers
And a life forfeit;
Again I say, Rejoice, Oh world!
With solemn hearts lifted
In awe of a babe.

copyright Micah McDonald 2010

it happened one sunday.

well, i challenged myself to submit to a contest even though i didn't have much time to refine (only a few hours to edit four poems); and the first contest i submitted to, a novice poetry contest in canada, i received an honorable mention. i have a lot of work to go, and i need to learn the patience and skill of going back and editing and refining the poem. i still see some things i want to change, but here is the poem that is bringin' home the bacon:

An Exploration of Caritas

She tries the known and unknown tongue,
clashing and clanging;
it sounds like dissonance;
she, standing on the corner soapbox
screaming love,
echoing imperfection.

Knowledge past and future
beats at his soul;
released left and right
the words flow like a torrent,
drowning love,
like an authentic counterfeit.

She cut her hair,
he sold his watch;
they gave it all away
for empty pockets
and bottomless cups;

So she chose the burning building,
and he ran in to save the cat on the third floor;
they became food for worms—
"meaningless, meaningless," blazed
the scorching disco ball.

Fresh breezes renew what once was,
evanescence removes the blotted cloth
and love's voice is heard again;
ashes swirl
and the clay molded;
he is made new,
she is made new.

He offers her his watch, she combs his hair;
a honeysuckle vine guards and sweetens their bed
under the great ancient oak—

love never promised rosebushes daily blooming,
but promised long suffering;
charity did not offer velvet cushions
but offered the cool spring of kindness;
unconditional love did not vow golden crowns
but vowed humility and grace.

Thistles and thorn bushes he bore
to save the snowdrops planted
in the scorching heat;
she gave the keys and her pearls to his able hand;
they ran a marathon through a sea of broken bottles
with the horizon setting in their eyes;
they held a ticker tape parade
in honor of words that withstood the fire.

Through a glass, darkly;
an impoverished reflection,
skinny and malnourished,
the picture is not whole but
dimly shaded,
corners darkened gray;
our view is poorly framed—
someday soon
perfect love will no longer cast shadows
and we will see face to face.

Copyright ©2010 by Micah McDonald

breathing lessons

it's the time of year for me when everything is so, so busy. my job load increases with an upcoming gala and silent auction on top of my regular work. we're still in the throws of the honeymoon phase of the marriage. but there's health issues that have slowed me down considerably. and then there's the friend who is still hurting and it weighs on my heart. and then there's not having energy for the daily things... like laundry and cooking and writing.


last night i could not fall asleep thinking about too many things. my husband. our future. the gala. my friend. my health. i started praying, passionately. i was worked up and frustrated while i prayed, asking God to intervene in the difficult situations. and then i realized something i have encouraged for others but wasn't practicing myself; sometimes you have to put aside your worries, your health, your petitions to look and see how lovely and mighty and kind and good God is. I turned to Psalm 33 and saw. my God is so much more than these little things.

Shout for joy in the Lord, O you righteous!
Praise befits the upright.
Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre;
make melody to him with the harp of ten strings!

Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.

For the word of the Lord is upright,
and all his work is done in faithfulness.
He loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord.

By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
and by the breath of his mouth all their host.
He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap;
he puts the deeps in storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the Lord;
let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;
he frustrates the plans of the peoples.

The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
the plans of his heart to all generations.
Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!

The Lord looks down from heaven;
he sees all the children of man;
from where he sits enthroned he looks out
on all the inhabitants of the earth,

he who fashions the hearts of them all
and observes all their deeds.
The king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.

The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,

that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.

For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.

Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.

sweet poetry...

hope and patience
by George MacDonald

An unborn bird lies crumpled and curled,
A-dreaming of the world.
Round it, for castle-wall,
a shell Is guarding it well.

Hope
is the bird with its dim sensations;
The shell that keeps it alive is
Patience


I am a fan of George MacDonald. His poetic words on faith and life helped me through some difficult times in life. His poetry reached places in me other words and voices could not. I love poetry though I have not always had the appreciation for it as I do now. Poets are selective with their words, seeking out that one beauty that says more than 1000 words together could.

I am taking down most of my poetry so I can refine it, and HOPEFULLY, in time send it in to various reviews. I do want to be published. Someday. I'll keep some up and put other new ones up too. But good art needs some extra brush strokes, and I want to be good.

Here's to hope and patience
and good art.

courage, my dear. courage.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ... You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

Seven

David Taylor recently did a blog entry on 7 things that are beautiful and I was inspired. I had to follow suit. 7 beautiful things:

1. Mazzy Star and her Into Dust introduced to me by my friend Amy who is living in Guatemala and helping the people right now while they recover from a hurricane AND a volcanic eruption (Amy is beautiful too). I fall in love with my husband even more every time I hear Mazzy Star.





2. Ikiru, the movie directed by Akira Kurosawa. Kurosawa is quickly becoming a favorite director of mine. This film takes you through a man's last year of life; it is a powerful and intelligent film that desires to inspire its viewers to live and truly live, to Carpe Diem. "... make the most of what you have. It is later than you think." (Horace) Ikiru is beautiful.

Takashi Shimura in Ikiru

3. My friend Stephen McCants gave us a breadmaker for a wedding present. Thank you, Stephen! It has been such an incredible blessing for this gluten free lady. Neal was brave and and tried making the first loaf, initiating the bread machine with gluten free bread. The warm smell of yeast and gluten free goodness filled our home; it's been hard to stop since. It's so good with a little butter and honey! Homemade bread IS beautiful.




4. A few months ago my husband sent me a link to some images to inspire creativity. I was fascinated by the fact I was drawn to the photographs with umbrellas in them. Here's my favorite: (click here to see a larger view of it.)

Waiting for rain by Simona Cristureanu

5. And speaking of rain, last summer we saw a horrible drought last summer with temperatures remaining over 100 for over 80 days. This summer, there is rain (nothing like three years ago, but wonderful none the less).






6. A couple of years ago I actually submitted a poem to a contest that I didn't make the final. When I read the finalists and this woman's work, I fell in love with her wit and craft. Love this poem. I think it's beautiful:

Cartography by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

I want to know your body as I know
these sandstone cliffs behind our house-take treks
for weeks along your spine, traverse your neck
with slow, exploratory eyes and go
for long excursions on your limbs with no
set plan for how I might get home, except
to know that you will lead me there. I'll step
so lightly, leave no evidence. And oh,
the maps I'll make, my love, will not be made
of paper but of tune. No rise of you
will be unknown to me, no inch unsung.
I know topographies change by the day—
that wind and water have their way. So true.
A good mapmaker's work is never done.


7. Okay, I know it's simple but fresh herbs are beautiful! N has an amazing green thumb bringing back to life my wedding fern that had almost completely perished. With fresh oregano and thyme and tarragon and basil and curly and flat leaf parsley at our fingertips, meals are so much more lively!

chains

i don't know of many who have not heard the quote from John 8 "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." if you read the rest of the context around the verse you get a truer sense of the meaning of the verse. there's so much i would love to get into (ie. the section before this where Jesus writes in the sand); but there is much in question of who Christ is in the verses above and below. Jesus is being challenged by the children of Abraham. who are you? right before this verse Jesus says, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples." and then after, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free then you are free indeed."

the truth Jesus spoke was hard on the ears it fell to. it was difficult to stomach. many denied his claims; this was not the savior they were looking for. he was from a terrible town (does anything good come from Nineveh?); he was meek; he was a carpenter's son. they heard Jesus proclaim, "before Abraham was born, I am!" and they were angered. this was blasphemy to their ears, so they picked up stone to throw at him ( Jesus escaped before the stones were thrown.)

what truth are you denying? are you listening to what you want to hear, pleased by good words? are you embracing a sugar coated lie that looks like the truth because how hard the truth really is?

a favorite quote of mine is from Flannery O'Connor: "The truth does not change with our ability to stomach it." the truth is the truth is the truth. i listened recently to truth be twisted into a lie; originally it was truth and it was truth that was difficult to hear. now after being twisted, it was lighter and sweeter but no longer truth, no longer powerful, no longer potent. it was impotent and weak. it was a lie. it was death. and now, with truth denied, the chains were placed back on.

a dear friend once told me a hard truth i needed to hear... but i did not want to hear it. she told me my apologies were not apologies because i followed them up with the word "but". i was angry, upset. but God used her to convict me. she was right. i listened to this truth; and i tell you, it gave me life, exposed brokenness and pride in me that needed to be addressed, and it improved my relationships and changed me.

the life Jesus is speaking about is the truth of who HE is, a hard truth but it is truth.


"A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg - or he would be the devil of hell. You must take your choice. Either this was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us." C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity

waiting

wednesday my dear dear friend gave birth to a son. i sat at the office waiting to hear the signal and see the flags waving that it was time, he was almost here. it was a lesson in patience, i tell you, one i did not handle well. later, i held his tiny body and i celebrated the beauty of something so precious and amazing created by two people i love. i loved watching brie's face as she took in the complete miracle that was and is the bundle of wonder laying at her breast. that was worth the wait (though i am VERY aware the waiting was so so much more intense for her involving that thing they call labor (and for a very good reason)).

there are times when waiting is the best thing. the caterpillar and the butterfly. the seed planted. the babe in the womb. i remember watching my grandfather's incubator waiting while the eggs from his show chickens prepared to hatch. we couldn't wait to see a beak peak through the shell!

there are times when waiting is the hardest thing to do. waiting for change. waiting for an answer. i am currently waiting for a change in a situation of loved ones; and i desperately wanting to do something to change the situation for them. i was reading from Lamentaions the other day, remembering all that Jeremiah went through, all that God's chosen went through. it wasn't pretty! "Though I cry for help, he shuts out my prayer," continuing, "He is a bear lying in wait for me, a lion in hiding; he turned aside my steps and tore me to pieces; he has made me desolate; he bent his bow and set me as a target for his arrow."

Israel waited. when they couldn't wait anymore and acted in pride, when they did things their own way, they had to wait longer and endure more. Jeremiah continues, "my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.” Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

there is nothing i can do for my loved ones but pray and wait on the Lord. waiting is in no way a passive thing though it is viewed and feels as such; trusting Christ is completely active. it takes shutting down and quieting the voice and the desire to do things my way. it requires believing that God is who He says he is and will do what he says he will do. it means praying, without ceasing, even asking the the LORD to change me.



christopher elliot, welcome to the world. you are a joy and a blessing to those around you. i pray you are a man who loves and waits on the LORD.

worshipping, honoring and petitioning the Almighty

my God. my Father. my Abba.
you are BLESS-ED. you are exalted.
there is none like you.

your Reign we want. your Will- our desire.
we want YOU, your goodness, justice and righteousness for earth
the same way YOUR character resounds through the streets of HEAVEN.

we have not done your righteousness, we have failed- forgive us;
but may we also forgive others in the same way you forgive.

protect us and make us aware when temptations and our desires
cloud judgment and lead us from honoring you.
save us from that which is far far from you and your goodness.

For you are the power of powers. the glory of glories.

come Lord and rule with grace and mercy and justice.

in the presence of grace pt 2

responding to grace

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

Bob Dylan "The Times They are A-Changin'"

i have been trying to nail down my thoughts on grace through some recent experiences in dealing with the ungracious among us, trying to understand the Grace i live under through Christ, trying to understand how i should respond to the ungracious, my own ungraciousness (yes, i made up a word. it's been done before by brilliant strategery.), what GRACE is, and what the consequences are in not responding to it.

lars von trier wrote Dogville partially in response to hearing Brecht's Threepenny Opera specifically the song "Pirate Jenny". in the song, jenny is abused, overlooked, made to work like a dog, but little do her overlords know that she actually belongs to a pirate ship. the pirate ship will be docking soon, and she sings how these men will get theirs in the end. it's plain and simple revenge.

not responding to grace has nothing to do with revenge. it has EVERYTHING to do with consequence. we live in a society that has taken consequence and almost thrown it out the window with philosophies like, "do what makes you happy" and "do what is best for you".

the God i know and trust in, the I AM, is a God of Grace. there is no doubt about that. he is loving and kind, he is charitable and patient, he is goodness defined. that same God is also a God of justice. many doubt this aspect of who He is because of how much goes unpunished, though reading through the New Testament it states many times, God will judge.

in reading the book of Malachi, they faced much of the same issues and problems as we do. "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

BUT later it continues, "Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. and then beautifully, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings."

this too is grace.

in the presence of grace pt.1

i have a love hate relationship with the movie Dogville. it is amazing, moving, touching, convicting, true, beautiful. it is also ugly, rough, disgusting, harsh, devastating, hard to stomach, difficult to watch. if you don't like spoilers then don't continue reading. it's a story of a girl that escapes a mob and ends up in a small backwoods town; the townspeople don't know what to do with her, so the scholastic, moralistic lead male, Tom Edison (played brilliantly by Paul Bettany) comes up with a plan, an experiment and life lesson on morality. The girl, Grace, must earn the trust of the townspeople by doing tasks for them. At first the townspeople don't really have anything for her to do. One by one they come around and Grace has a schedule to keep in doing menial tasks for the people. She earns their trust and they vote for her to stay. The police come around with a poster saying that Grace was wanted for participating in a bank robbery, and the townspeople are aware of Grace's innocence but they begin to fear the law for harboring a wanted woman.
Tom comes up with a plan that Grace will do more tasks for the townspeople. They become increasingly demanding and she begins to make mistakes due to an overloaded schedule. The female townspeople and the children become abusive, and the male townspeople begin sexually harassing and abusing her. Grace is enslaved and is made to wear a wagon wheel around and a bell to announce her presence. Tom, the one townsperson in love with Grace and the one male who has not had sex with her, tries to force himself on her and she refuses. Now he decides it is time to call the mob, more in fear of his own lack of morality. The mob shows up cordially greeted by Tom and the townspeople, and we then find out Grace is the mob boss' daughter. He takes her in his car and they discuss what to do. She asks him not to be harsh on the people, but then realizes her standard for herself is much higher than the standard she sets for others. The whole town is completely destroyed.

i love this film because it amazingly illustrates the abuse of grace. yes, grace can be and is abused on a daily basis. there was someone i offered grace to over and over and over. she took it freely over and over. she couldn't pay a bill? i obliged. she needed something from me, i gave. then came the moment i needed her grace in something small, and suddenly judgment and fire were poured on my head. i think of the times i abuse the grace God gives me. "He'll understand", "He knows I struggle with in this area."

"what do we say then? do we go on sinning that grace may increase? by no means! we died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" romans 6:1. g.k. chesterton wrote, "I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on man unless they act."

i did some research on this film trying to understand it's roots and the author/director. lars von trier is in no way a morally impressive man. in fact, i'm pretty disgusted. his latest film illustrates what earth would have been like if Satan would have created it. no need to see that. but i am still impressed with dogville. it is hard to recommend to others because of how hard it is to watch. but von trier exits the hollywood "all-is-perfect" mentallity, and gives us a picture that is worth more than perfection. it exposes our grossness, our abuses, our iniquity not relishing or beautifying that iniquity but placing a mirror in front of the viewers face to see our own failing. one writer said after viewing the film, "I am ashamed in the presence of Grace".

in the presence of grace, how do you respond? how do i respond?

of ONE substance

WE BELIEVE in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come.

sing, oh daughter of Zion

i took a break today and realized what calms and focuses me. music. it is crazy busy right now with working and planning the wedding; and today when i felt the boiling point approaching i stepped back. i went for a walk. i sang (my of two favorite genres- classical and big band). and i purchased a rather large diet dr. pepper. and i sang some more. everyone was in their respective cars and buildings while i sang on my walk, so i don't think anyone heard me. frankly, i really don't care. it worked.

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent. Victor Hugo

The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul. Johann Sebastian Bach

haiti

i wrote a post two years ago on Haiti. the country marked me as did my short time there. i was there in 1994, sixteen years ago now. the country and it's faces left their imprint on my heart. i remember pulling into the port at Gonaives and being greeted by fishermen. i remember the traps loaded with fresh lobster, lobsters larger than i had ever seen. i remember the UN soldier i spent some time talking to while on the shore; he died from a gunshot wound shortly after i left the country. he had a wife and a daughter back home he sorely missed.

it was very hard to get to shore during our time there, but there were a few opportunities presented to me. one was a bath. when we arrived to the country, the ship that was docked for a while before we came, took all the water saved for our time there. we had no water. the UN brought us treated water to drink but we couldn't wash dishes or bathe. we also had to conserve the water while we were sailing and did not have much left when we arrived at shore. i think it was about 12 days i had gone without bathing. also when we arrived in Haiti i found out that a friend had died unexpectedly. i was shocked and depressed, and worn out. cried a lot.

and then some kind of relief. a handful of us were aloud to go to shore to get... a bath! in a river, of course, but it was a bath none the less! some lovely faces greeted us to take us to this one area to bathe. two sweet hatian women, my age and a couple of young haitian men, part of the ministry there in haiti. they asked so many questions and wanted to know why i was sad. they did everything they could to cheer me up. they were joyful and loving. happy and kind. i would call them naive but i can't. the environment they grew up in would cause a boy to become a man within hours. i couldn't understand their joy. i couldn't understand their happiness.

the bath was the best bath i have ever had in my entire life. yes, it was in a bathing suit with about 10 other people. but it was cool, crisp water, water that lifted my spirits and washed the heaviness from my body. i sat there in the water contemplating it all, realizing how powerful the Love of God, the only I AM, truly is.

i flew out of Haiti on Christmas day and guess who showed up to take me on the four hour van ride to Gonaives? my sweet Haitian friends. Luc bought us all fresh juice and bananas for breakfast from a woman carrying a large bundle of bananas on her back like she had just picked them that morning. we watched the sunrise over the hills. saw the ebb and flow of the sea in shades of blue i cannot begin to describe. the Haiti i saw was beautiful.

we saw one Christmas tree but plenty of those begging on the streets. barefoot children and feral pigs playing in the same area. shanty towns. shacks barely standing. we saw an expanse of poverty.

Haiti 1937 LIFE Magazine

this is the Haiti of my four Haitian friends. this is their nation. their world. they knew only this; they probably saw many things that would horrify my worst memories and tragedies. but those four faces smiled. those four faces never ceased in finding the JOY OF THE LORD when their world was in abject poverty, in overwhelming pain.

to my four Haitian friends who showed love and hospitality and generosity and true joy, may God grant you His Peace. May the Lord of Creation supply ALL your needs. May He give you JOY in such immense tragedy. May He be your comforter. May you be His light to all around you as you so graciously were to me. May He bless and keep you.

just do it, already.

trying to write right now is so difficult. i think a true artist writes through the busy times, the difficult times, the pain, the sorrow. most classic writers had full time jobs and wrote when they returned home. editing and transcribing took place by candlelight after the chores were finished and the kids were in bed. george macdonald, a favorite of mine, wrote through the loss of a child.

right now is not difficult or painful. there is joy. there is excitement. but there is so much to do. planning your own wedding is a job in itself, one i am not made for. i'm trying to remember to breathe. forgetting to go exercise because there are errands to run. i do have an incredible fiance who has done so much for our wedding. but at the end of the day, there are multiple tasks that i haven't accomplished, there is an apartment to pack, two households to combine, a reception to plan out detail by detail. elopement sounds wonderful though my parents will kill me. i am thrilled to be marrying this man. i am overjoyed i get a wedding.

i haven't learned yet the balance of handling this huge thing and to stop and create, to do what i made to do. to remember to look in his face and smile, to be playful. to be quiet, to be still in the middle of this thing called an American wedding. to not take on worrying about the fact that someone is going to have to clean the church after the wedding and take down the decorations, that someone is going to have to take the leftovers and pack them up. to take time to look in HIS face and remember what all of this is about- our desire to honor our Heavenly King.

2010 challenge- i'm beginning this year in an incredibly busy season of my life, and really soon, our life. i've got to start living and doing right now. to live the writing life, to create art, to swim, to study, to learn, to make quiet time, to be alone with God, while i'm working out the largest event of our lives. the challenge- in the words of the simplistic but true nike slogan (with my own twist) "just do it, already."