touching on grief...

"It is hard to have patience with people who say 'There is no death' or 'Death doesn't matter.' There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter." C.S. Lewis

Someone recently said something that has stuck with me as I process and mourn the loss of my friend. Death is not natural. Death was not a part of life before the fall; it came after it. Death was not meant for this life. We were not meant for death.

Grief is like a wrestling match. There are times when I feel like I have conquered it, I raise my hands in triumph and grief surprises me and pins me down again. All cultures have many different ways to process grief. We all have different ways of going through it. It's just that it is important to go through the process of grief... and not avoid it. I don't want to scan pictures for her memorial because it means it really happened. But I will.

i miss my friend.

juxtaposition of life and death

These last few days have been extraordinarily strange as life and death converged and sorrow and celebration dined at the same table. "There is a time for everything under the sun" but this time, the sun rose and set while both weeping and rejoicing mingled together.

My dear dear friend Carla died Sunday. We met 12 years ago as she welcomed me to a new church and opened her life and heart to friendship as well. She led a small group of people who loved each other well and fellowshiped together sharing meals, tears, laughter, prayers and fun. We worshiped together in truest form acknowledging the amazing sovereignty of God and sweet Grace God gave us through Christ. A year after meeting, Carla, Libby, Rema and I all moved in together in a sweet house of fellowship, healing, laughter, and ordinary life all mixed in one.

Carla prayed with power. Carla recognized the authority of Christ and prayed with that authority. I tell you, mountains were moved. More than once, she prayed with me for God's healing in my life from past hurts and past lies I was believing about myself which were not in line with God's view of me. Carla recognized a pain I had carried for years and with her help, we gave it back to Christ's able hands.

Carla went through more on this earth than what any person should. It could crush anyone of us, but God's healing and his love for Carla gave her life. Three years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. The first round, she was healed. The second round, healing once again. This third round was brutal on her earthly body. She stopped treatment a month ago giving up on man's solutions but never on God's. In His mercy, she was released to go Home, and there is no better place to be.

I miss her. Many of us miss her. She was well loved. But now she has been greeted in Heaven with love and joy and rejoicing. It's funny. I cry every time I think of that. I'm so happy for her! And I grieve this planet's incredible loss. There is Joy that she is alive with Christ. There is sadness that so many will miss out on Carla's testimony of Faith and the love God has shown her.

Sunday she passed. Monday was my birthday. Tuesday we welcomed a new niece.

Celebrating Life with loss lingering in the air is hard and baffling and profound. Immediately it reminded me of the words of a hymn. The most profound sorrow and rejoicing I know of is Christ's death. In His death, there was so much pain and loss, but with it there IS so much gain.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross by Isaac Watts (1674-1748)



where o death is your sting?  where o death is your victory?