in the presence of grace pt 2

responding to grace

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

Bob Dylan "The Times They are A-Changin'"

i have been trying to nail down my thoughts on grace through some recent experiences in dealing with the ungracious among us, trying to understand the Grace i live under through Christ, trying to understand how i should respond to the ungracious, my own ungraciousness (yes, i made up a word. it's been done before by brilliant strategery.), what GRACE is, and what the consequences are in not responding to it.

lars von trier wrote Dogville partially in response to hearing Brecht's Threepenny Opera specifically the song "Pirate Jenny". in the song, jenny is abused, overlooked, made to work like a dog, but little do her overlords know that she actually belongs to a pirate ship. the pirate ship will be docking soon, and she sings how these men will get theirs in the end. it's plain and simple revenge.

not responding to grace has nothing to do with revenge. it has EVERYTHING to do with consequence. we live in a society that has taken consequence and almost thrown it out the window with philosophies like, "do what makes you happy" and "do what is best for you".

the God i know and trust in, the I AM, is a God of Grace. there is no doubt about that. he is loving and kind, he is charitable and patient, he is goodness defined. that same God is also a God of justice. many doubt this aspect of who He is because of how much goes unpunished, though reading through the New Testament it states many times, God will judge.

in reading the book of Malachi, they faced much of the same issues and problems as we do. "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

BUT later it continues, "Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. and then beautifully, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings."

this too is grace.

in the presence of grace pt.1

i have a love hate relationship with the movie Dogville. it is amazing, moving, touching, convicting, true, beautiful. it is also ugly, rough, disgusting, harsh, devastating, hard to stomach, difficult to watch. if you don't like spoilers then don't continue reading. it's a story of a girl that escapes a mob and ends up in a small backwoods town; the townspeople don't know what to do with her, so the scholastic, moralistic lead male, Tom Edison (played brilliantly by Paul Bettany) comes up with a plan, an experiment and life lesson on morality. The girl, Grace, must earn the trust of the townspeople by doing tasks for them. At first the townspeople don't really have anything for her to do. One by one they come around and Grace has a schedule to keep in doing menial tasks for the people. She earns their trust and they vote for her to stay. The police come around with a poster saying that Grace was wanted for participating in a bank robbery, and the townspeople are aware of Grace's innocence but they begin to fear the law for harboring a wanted woman.
Tom comes up with a plan that Grace will do more tasks for the townspeople. They become increasingly demanding and she begins to make mistakes due to an overloaded schedule. The female townspeople and the children become abusive, and the male townspeople begin sexually harassing and abusing her. Grace is enslaved and is made to wear a wagon wheel around and a bell to announce her presence. Tom, the one townsperson in love with Grace and the one male who has not had sex with her, tries to force himself on her and she refuses. Now he decides it is time to call the mob, more in fear of his own lack of morality. The mob shows up cordially greeted by Tom and the townspeople, and we then find out Grace is the mob boss' daughter. He takes her in his car and they discuss what to do. She asks him not to be harsh on the people, but then realizes her standard for herself is much higher than the standard she sets for others. The whole town is completely destroyed.

i love this film because it amazingly illustrates the abuse of grace. yes, grace can be and is abused on a daily basis. there was someone i offered grace to over and over and over. she took it freely over and over. she couldn't pay a bill? i obliged. she needed something from me, i gave. then came the moment i needed her grace in something small, and suddenly judgment and fire were poured on my head. i think of the times i abuse the grace God gives me. "He'll understand", "He knows I struggle with in this area."

"what do we say then? do we go on sinning that grace may increase? by no means! we died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" romans 6:1. g.k. chesterton wrote, "I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on man unless they act."

i did some research on this film trying to understand it's roots and the author/director. lars von trier is in no way a morally impressive man. in fact, i'm pretty disgusted. his latest film illustrates what earth would have been like if Satan would have created it. no need to see that. but i am still impressed with dogville. it is hard to recommend to others because of how hard it is to watch. but von trier exits the hollywood "all-is-perfect" mentallity, and gives us a picture that is worth more than perfection. it exposes our grossness, our abuses, our iniquity not relishing or beautifying that iniquity but placing a mirror in front of the viewers face to see our own failing. one writer said after viewing the film, "I am ashamed in the presence of Grace".

in the presence of grace, how do you respond? how do i respond?

of ONE substance

WE BELIEVE in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come.

sing, oh daughter of Zion

i took a break today and realized what calms and focuses me. music. it is crazy busy right now with working and planning the wedding; and today when i felt the boiling point approaching i stepped back. i went for a walk. i sang (my of two favorite genres- classical and big band). and i purchased a rather large diet dr. pepper. and i sang some more. everyone was in their respective cars and buildings while i sang on my walk, so i don't think anyone heard me. frankly, i really don't care. it worked.

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent. Victor Hugo

The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul. Johann Sebastian Bach

haiti

i wrote a post two years ago on Haiti. the country marked me as did my short time there. i was there in 1994, sixteen years ago now. the country and it's faces left their imprint on my heart. i remember pulling into the port at Gonaives and being greeted by fishermen. i remember the traps loaded with fresh lobster, lobsters larger than i had ever seen. i remember the UN soldier i spent some time talking to while on the shore; he died from a gunshot wound shortly after i left the country. he had a wife and a daughter back home he sorely missed.

it was very hard to get to shore during our time there, but there were a few opportunities presented to me. one was a bath. when we arrived to the country, the ship that was docked for a while before we came, took all the water saved for our time there. we had no water. the UN brought us treated water to drink but we couldn't wash dishes or bathe. we also had to conserve the water while we were sailing and did not have much left when we arrived at shore. i think it was about 12 days i had gone without bathing. also when we arrived in Haiti i found out that a friend had died unexpectedly. i was shocked and depressed, and worn out. cried a lot.

and then some kind of relief. a handful of us were aloud to go to shore to get... a bath! in a river, of course, but it was a bath none the less! some lovely faces greeted us to take us to this one area to bathe. two sweet hatian women, my age and a couple of young haitian men, part of the ministry there in haiti. they asked so many questions and wanted to know why i was sad. they did everything they could to cheer me up. they were joyful and loving. happy and kind. i would call them naive but i can't. the environment they grew up in would cause a boy to become a man within hours. i couldn't understand their joy. i couldn't understand their happiness.

the bath was the best bath i have ever had in my entire life. yes, it was in a bathing suit with about 10 other people. but it was cool, crisp water, water that lifted my spirits and washed the heaviness from my body. i sat there in the water contemplating it all, realizing how powerful the Love of God, the only I AM, truly is.

i flew out of Haiti on Christmas day and guess who showed up to take me on the four hour van ride to Gonaives? my sweet Haitian friends. Luc bought us all fresh juice and bananas for breakfast from a woman carrying a large bundle of bananas on her back like she had just picked them that morning. we watched the sunrise over the hills. saw the ebb and flow of the sea in shades of blue i cannot begin to describe. the Haiti i saw was beautiful.

we saw one Christmas tree but plenty of those begging on the streets. barefoot children and feral pigs playing in the same area. shanty towns. shacks barely standing. we saw an expanse of poverty.

Haiti 1937 LIFE Magazine

this is the Haiti of my four Haitian friends. this is their nation. their world. they knew only this; they probably saw many things that would horrify my worst memories and tragedies. but those four faces smiled. those four faces never ceased in finding the JOY OF THE LORD when their world was in abject poverty, in overwhelming pain.

to my four Haitian friends who showed love and hospitality and generosity and true joy, may God grant you His Peace. May the Lord of Creation supply ALL your needs. May He give you JOY in such immense tragedy. May He be your comforter. May you be His light to all around you as you so graciously were to me. May He bless and keep you.

just do it, already.

trying to write right now is so difficult. i think a true artist writes through the busy times, the difficult times, the pain, the sorrow. most classic writers had full time jobs and wrote when they returned home. editing and transcribing took place by candlelight after the chores were finished and the kids were in bed. george macdonald, a favorite of mine, wrote through the loss of a child.

right now is not difficult or painful. there is joy. there is excitement. but there is so much to do. planning your own wedding is a job in itself, one i am not made for. i'm trying to remember to breathe. forgetting to go exercise because there are errands to run. i do have an incredible fiance who has done so much for our wedding. but at the end of the day, there are multiple tasks that i haven't accomplished, there is an apartment to pack, two households to combine, a reception to plan out detail by detail. elopement sounds wonderful though my parents will kill me. i am thrilled to be marrying this man. i am overjoyed i get a wedding.

i haven't learned yet the balance of handling this huge thing and to stop and create, to do what i made to do. to remember to look in his face and smile, to be playful. to be quiet, to be still in the middle of this thing called an American wedding. to not take on worrying about the fact that someone is going to have to clean the church after the wedding and take down the decorations, that someone is going to have to take the leftovers and pack them up. to take time to look in HIS face and remember what all of this is about- our desire to honor our Heavenly King.

2010 challenge- i'm beginning this year in an incredibly busy season of my life, and really soon, our life. i've got to start living and doing right now. to live the writing life, to create art, to swim, to study, to learn, to make quiet time, to be alone with God, while i'm working out the largest event of our lives. the challenge- in the words of the simplistic but true nike slogan (with my own twist) "just do it, already."

what dreams may come

since the awakening of a small dreamer, my eyes have desired to see the sight i saw that night. but it was so much more than i could have ever imagined. grace, mercy, perseverance, trust, hope, kindness, selflessness, humility, truth accumulated in a great convergence of joy that one singular moment as his posture declared his will. he left me speechless, tears streamed down my blithesome grin, and all i could do was kiss his cheek. and now i get to kiss his cheek for the rest of our days.