r.e.s.p.ec.t.

i've heard a few complaints from friends in the past two years about their marriages. once the i do's have been said, the wooing is over, romance is gone, and the focus turns to changing diapers and praying for time to actually sleep. sustaining marriages are steadily on a downward climb though i had the honor recently of being in a room of 10 women who had been married for over 30 years. i don't know what marriage is like yet. i don't know what having a family is like yet. but there are a few things i do know, and things i think about because i do want to be married.

why do you marry in the first place? in Genesis God says early on, it is not good for man to be alone. God creates a help-mate for him. it is life-long companionship. it is life-long friendship. it was never intended to be anything temporary to fulfill and satisfy temporal, emotional, physical longings. it is a commitment vowed before the God of the universe to love, honor and cherish each other. in Cranmer's vows from the 1556 Book of Common Prayer, Cranmer writes:

....to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church: which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.


marriage is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. it's not a status or a goal. it is something holy to be treated reverently.

desiring to be married, i do a lot of reading especially relationship books that approach marriage from a Biblical worldview. i am in no way professing i know how to sustain a marraige. i am approaching this in humility because i don't have a marriage i've tried this with. but as i am taking in information from those who have been married and have had issues, here are a few things i'm learning:

1. the honeymoon is just the beginning. the wooing never ends!!!
2. each partner has needs. you may not be experiencing the wooing like you had hoped, but are you aware of his needs? and are you voicing to him (gently and wisely) what your needs are?
3. it takes two. rarely is there one person at fault.
4. husbands, never give your wife a workout dvd unless she asks for it.
5. wives, please never imasculate your husband... especially in front of others.
6. he wants to be your hero.
7. she wants to be found beautiful to you.
8. love is a choice and an action. never equate it to feelings.
9. attraction is in the eye of the beholder. and the mind behind that eye.
10. yeild to one another.
11. respect your husband. it could be trusting him to do what he said he would do. or letting him out of going to the quilting expo. it could be giving him a night alone or with the guys without calling a thousand times. planning an evening alone for him with him in mind, what he would want to do. praise him where praise is due.
12. love your wife. it could be bringing her her favorite flowers for no reason. picking up dinner. changing the oil in her car. writing her a note on why you fell in love with her. doing the dishes. planning an evening alone with her, for her, doing what she would want to do. please tell her she is beautiful.
13. he comes first, after your relationship with God. honor him with trust.
14. she comes first, after your relationship with God. love her sacrificially.
15. never forget, there is a reason you chose each other!!!
16. this is the one person that you have been given to love unconditionally. unconditionally.