what dreams may come

since the awakening of a small dreamer, my eyes have desired to see the sight i saw that night. but it was so much more than i could have ever imagined. grace, mercy, perseverance, trust, hope, kindness, selflessness, humility, truth accumulated in a great convergence of joy that one singular moment as his posture declared his will. he left me speechless, tears streamed down my blithesome grin, and all i could do was kiss his cheek. and now i get to kiss his cheek for the rest of our days.

thank you, wordsworth

(a handful of the) lines written a few miles above tintern abbey

For I have learned
To look on nature, not as in the hour
Of thoughtless youth; but hearing oftentimes
The still, sad music of humanity,
Not harsh nor grating, though of ample power
To chasten and subdue. And I have felt
A Presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Who dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man:
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thought,
And rolls through all things. Therefore am I still
A lover of the meadows and the woods,
And mountains; and all that we behold
From this green earth; of all the mighty world
Of eye, and ear, - both what they half create,
And what perceive; well pleased to recognise
In nature and the language of the sense,
The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse,
The guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul
Of all my moral being.

William Wordsworth

r.e.s.p.ec.t.

i've heard a few complaints from friends in the past two years about their marriages. once the i do's have been said, the wooing is over, romance is gone, and the focus turns to changing diapers and praying for time to actually sleep. sustaining marriages are steadily on a downward climb though i had the honor recently of being in a room of 10 women who had been married for over 30 years. i don't know what marriage is like yet. i don't know what having a family is like yet. but there are a few things i do know, and things i think about because i do want to be married.

why do you marry in the first place? in Genesis God says early on, it is not good for man to be alone. God creates a help-mate for him. it is life-long companionship. it is life-long friendship. it was never intended to be anything temporary to fulfill and satisfy temporal, emotional, physical longings. it is a commitment vowed before the God of the universe to love, honor and cherish each other. in Cranmer's vows from the 1556 Book of Common Prayer, Cranmer writes:

....to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church: which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.


marriage is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. it's not a status or a goal. it is something holy to be treated reverently.

desiring to be married, i do a lot of reading especially relationship books that approach marriage from a Biblical worldview. i am in no way professing i know how to sustain a marraige. i am approaching this in humility because i don't have a marriage i've tried this with. but as i am taking in information from those who have been married and have had issues, here are a few things i'm learning:

1. the honeymoon is just the beginning. the wooing never ends!!!
2. each partner has needs. you may not be experiencing the wooing like you had hoped, but are you aware of his needs? and are you voicing to him (gently and wisely) what your needs are?
3. it takes two. rarely is there one person at fault.
4. husbands, never give your wife a workout dvd unless she asks for it.
5. wives, please never imasculate your husband... especially in front of others.
6. he wants to be your hero.
7. she wants to be found beautiful to you.
8. love is a choice and an action. never equate it to feelings.
9. attraction is in the eye of the beholder. and the mind behind that eye.
10. yeild to one another.
11. respect your husband. it could be trusting him to do what he said he would do. or letting him out of going to the quilting expo. it could be giving him a night alone or with the guys without calling a thousand times. planning an evening alone for him with him in mind, what he would want to do. praise him where praise is due.
12. love your wife. it could be bringing her her favorite flowers for no reason. picking up dinner. changing the oil in her car. writing her a note on why you fell in love with her. doing the dishes. planning an evening alone with her, for her, doing what she would want to do. please tell her she is beautiful.
13. he comes first, after your relationship with God. honor him with trust.
14. she comes first, after your relationship with God. love her sacrificially.
15. never forget, there is a reason you chose each other!!!
16. this is the one person that you have been given to love unconditionally. unconditionally.

everything made beautiful. in its time.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost" G.K. Chesterton

the days of summer have finally turned from scorching heat to a sweet sweet falling rain, a grace on this dry and weary soil. i am cherishing the gray clouds because the sun has been relentless and overall selfishly overpowering the wistfully parched sky.

today i'm in a pensive mood realizing the summer is closing... and hip, hip hooray for that... and fall is fast approaching. (of course austin fall means warm, three-quarter length shirt wearing weather and not the cozy hemp sweater wearing kind of fall.) the months are flitting away too quickly.

i'm thinking about time in the whole line up of eternity. when i think about it, our life span is so short. we're not given 200 years like those gone before (sorry but 969 years is way too long to live). we have these 70 to 80 (90s or 100s for others like my great grandmother) years to live. and i'm asking myself how am i spending those handful of years? am i living like i only have a little portion of time on the eternal timeline or do i spend it frivously? am i living as though time is short?

this translates in the way i choose to live, the way i love, the way i choose to treat others. the choices in what i do in my free time. the choices i make in behavior. the choices to forgive (or not forgive). the choices to be kind. to be graceful. to imitate kingly mercy. to imitate the shepherd. to not worry! yes, it's all scary. to be honest and real. to take that next step forward. to trust an unseen God. to remove masks in front of crouds of onlookers. to release pride and admit a mistake. to send a submission to another publisher after a rejection. to sing in front of a large group of strangers.

but without making these choices, life is not really worth it. it is existential nihilism and we're all just good country people. and my name is hulga.

are you living deep? are you living deliberately? are you sucking the marrow from this precious life that God graciously gave you?

Remember how fleeting is my life. psalm 89

thanksgiving in july

eucharistia

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

i'm trying to grasp thankfulness today. gratefulness. why do we say thanks? why do we send thank you notes and flowers and speak blessings? why don't we just accept a gift and leave it at that? why do we say thank you?

older generations are lamenting the fact that the younger generations have lost all proper forms of manners. i have to agree. we have. i have been reading through dear abby and miss manners columns and this is my favorite quote: "The art of writing a thank-you is a social grace that every wise parent should pass along to his or her child."

yes, i learned to say thanks because my parents taught me to accept gracefully though i didn't always do it well. i remember vividly getting a lesson in gratefulness. i was in second grade and we lived in peru. i had just sung in front of the church with a couple of adults. on the walk home with my dad, someone gave me a compliment, and my response was, "no. i wasn't very good," trying to be self-efacing, trying to divert the attention from me. my dad gently corrected me telling me the proper response was a thank you. plain and simple. no one had to tell me i was a good performer. no one was obligated to compliment me; but they did it out of the goodness of their heart. i guess it was more a lesson on receiving gifts but i will never forget what it taught me on the giving of gifts as well.

not only did i learn it from my parents, but i also learned gratefulness from knowing Christ, for, truly knowing him, gratefulness will pour out like a dam undone.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

i'm still exploring the concept of gratitude, but i thought i would start by saying thank you. thank you mom and dad for raising me in God's truth and in the love of Christ. for that i am eternally grateful. thank you kara and joel for putting up with me and the many times you have shown grace to me. thank you brie for 19 years of friendship, prayer, and love. thank you molly verdyun and mrs. t and debby polizzi and martha rasco and carla heltzel and johanna oudman for being Godly examples and extending your wisdom and kindness to me. thank you dr. t and david and geno and the beacham family for being steadfast in your faith and leadership. you have been very influential in my life and in my faith. thank you to angela clemens and emily harris and brie and charity and kristy hoffpauir for giving me a roof over my head when i did not have one. thank you jan and jane and kate and stephanie and jodi for your support and prayers and patience with me. thank you caroline and john for supporting me and caring for me when times were hard. thank you jerry goff and tim wallace for being excellent pastors to a silly teenage girl. through your leadership i grew deeper in the knowlege of Christ.

thank you, neal, for your love. you amaze me and words cannot express how grateful i am for you.

thank you Christ for your unfailing love and amazing grace, the gifts you give i do not deserve. thank you God for your sacrifice. thank you that you call me Your own.

an exploration of caritas

Through a Glass Darkly by Henry Fraser

An Exploration of Caritas

She tries the known and unknown tongue,
clashing and clanging;
it sounds like dissonance;
she, standing on the corner soapbox
screaming love,
echoing imperfection.

Knowledge past and future
beats at his soul;
released left and right
the words flow like a torrent,
drowning love,
like an authentic counterfeit.

She cut her hair,
he sold his watch;
they gave it all away
for empty pockets
and bottomless cups;

So she chose the burning building,
and he ran in to save the cat on the third floor;
they became food for worms—
"meaningless, meaningless," blazed
the scorching disco ball.

Fresh breezes renew what once was,
evanescence removes the blotted cloth
and love's voice is heard again;
ashes swirl
and the clay molded;
he is made new,
she is made new.

He offers her his watch, she combs his hair;
a honeysuckle vine guards and sweetens their bed
under the great ancient oak—

love never promised rosebushes daily blooming,
but promised long suffering;
charity did not offer velvet cushions
but offered the cool spring of kindness;
unconditional love did not vow golden crowns
but vowed humility and grace.

Thistles and thorn bushes he bore
to save the snowdrops planted
in the scorching heat;
she gave the keys and her pearls to his able hand;
they ran a marathon through a sea of broken bottles
with the horizon setting in their eyes;
they held a ticker tape parade
in honor of words that withstood the fire.

Through a glass, darkly;
an impoverished reflection,
skinny and malnourished,
the picture is not whole but
dimly shaded,
corners darkened gray;
our view is poorly framed—
someday soon
perfect love will no longer cast shadows
and we will see face to face.

Copyright ©2010 by Micah McDonald

good words, one.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.


after a year in an anglican church stateside and a year overseas, i have a new love for the english standard version.