black nails and valentine's tales

By noon yesterday, I was fed up with the day which is highly unusual for me. I woke up 2 hours later than intended because my alarm had been knocked down and the battery knocked out. My friend wrote on facebook that (oh, my friend who is 9 months pregnant) during her 30+ minute train ride to work, she was never offered a seat. 9 months pregnant. On Valentine's day even. Driving home from the grocery store and stopped at a light, I had trouble shifting gears and a woman decided I was way too slow and that it was imperative that she had to lay into her horn to make sure I went faster. I tossed up a peace sign hoping she would "chill". The moment she passed me later on when I turned, she decided to lay into her horn again. The reason I couldn't shift quickly? I've had very painful tennis elbow for three months.

I know it's winter here and I know there are a lot of people who look at the day as a "Hallmark Holiday". I know there are scorned lovers and those who are loveless. There are plenty who are most likely tired of being single and find the day a horrible reminder of their singleness and their loneliness. I know. I have been there.

I also heard people complain about the day; "my daughter would always come home without receiving a Valentines" and "I think Valentine's should be about him pursuing me".

Every year I'm reminded about what this day is: it is to remember a martyr, a priest sainted for his sacrifice to Christ, his noted sacrifices for marrying Christians when Claudius the Goth had ordered against it. It was a bloody time in Roman history for Christians with much persecution. Valentine stood up for Christ, stood up against oppression and attempted annihilation of a people. He is known as the saint of Love and Lovers, of happy marriages, even bee keepers (and other people I didn't quite understand... like the plague). He is known for his blatant defiance of a brutal and tyrannical ruler.

He sounds like a man to celebrate, to emulate. Why can't we let go of what we want, what we can get out of the day and turn it instead into at least one day of loving others, of showing kindness, of noting love where love is, not where it isn't, remembering those who have generously loved, selflessly loved, and showing love to them. Loving without expectation of return, loving when it may even mean being hurt or a sacrifice of pride.

I've been generously loved. I've been shown undeserved love. I've been lavished in love. And I've been selfish with it all. I too have sat back with pity wanting, desiring love to be shown to me. A coined and overused quote seems to capture so much, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Another quote from another saint, "grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love." prayer of St. Francis

A final thought; for me, I have known great love because of the Love of God. From that deep love, a love with a force greater than Iguazu Falls, I am truly overwhelmed. Oh, to give like Him, to love like Him. And, what I've seen of His love, it is only a glimpse of Love, only a glimpse of Heaven.

"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." Psalm 63:3

love must be sincere.

hate what is evil.

cling to what is good.

outdo one another in showing honor.

rejoice in hope.

show hospitality.

be patient in affliction.

be faithful in prayer.

bless those who persecute you.

rejoice with those who rejoice.

mourn with those who mourn.

live in harmony.

do not be proud.

do not be conceited.

Do not take revenge.

leave room for God’s wrath.

do not be overcome by evil.

overcome evil with good.





i didn't write any of those words. they belong to another. and no, it's not 1 corinthians; it's romans 12, shuffled around a bit. and it's true. to love and really love, to say that you are someone who loves means putting aside your own desires for those of another. it means letting go of anger and showing kindness. it means rejoicing with someone who is happy when you're not so happy. it means laying aside your joy to mourn with someone who is mourning. it means holding fast to goodness. it means no hypocrisy. it means love is not a feeling. it is action.

i cringe every time i hear someone equate love with a feeling. you're selling yourself short. you're cheapening love. and if there is no action behind the word love, it's not love at all.

this is love in action. this is true, sincere love.

what dreams may come

since the awakening of a small dreamer, my eyes have desired to see the sight i saw that night. but it was so much more than i could have ever imagined. grace, mercy, perseverance, trust, hope, kindness, selflessness, humility, truth accumulated in a great convergence of joy that one singular moment as his posture declared his will. he left me speechless, tears streamed down my blithesome grin, and all i could do was kiss his cheek. and now i get to kiss his cheek for the rest of our days.

she

The first mention of St. Valentine's Day is in Chaucer's Parliament of Foules (though it is up for debate which Valentine) in the 14th century in honor of King Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia, a poem for the love birds who wed at a very very young 15 years. Richard and Anne were true lovers who were evidently devoted to one another and deeply in love though it was an arranged match. In fact, neither took other lovers, no recorded illegitimate children, and Richard is noted in referring to Anne as his beloved. on her death he refused to walk into any room that reminded him of her and was described as being wild with grief. Also, Anne did not come with money. In fact, Richard paid Anne's brother Wencelslas for Anne's hand.

Anne was known for helping Richard with his temper, for pleading on behalf of Londoners and others endearing herself to the king, and though she remained childless throughout their 12 year marriage, he remained faithful.

And that is a couple to commemorate.

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

when prophesies cease,

i read something the other day that was one of the best definitions of love i have seen in a long time. love: a selfless expression of good. when i hold back love, it is usually in selfishness. fears, self preservation, pride. you know, the main motivators that keep so many of us inhibited. love protects... it means protection at the cost of my pride, at the cost of lookin' good. love trusts.... letting go of preserving me. love hopes.... taking risks to let go of fear. love perseveres... keeps on keepin' on, even (especially) when it's not about me. it will not/does not look like what my mind conceives it to be (man, i am so glad of that); in fact my conception of it is completely absurd and imperfect. this one thing i know-- love never fails. the author of love tells me so.

St. Frances De Sales said, "You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves."

and now, to love.

i heart aaron smith

i keep a voice mail from a 2 year old boy named aaron. he now lives in india with his parents and sisters. i love that voicemail. just days before they flew to india, i got to spend one last evening with them; and aaron (his mom dialed and left a message as well) called me hours before just express the sentiments of his uncluttered emotions. in the message i hear his innocent, sweet voice unabashedly reaching from deep within that tiny heart of his just to say, "i love you, miss micah." i don't think i can ever erase that message. he saw a picture of me in december and remembered me, but i don't know if he will next time i see him.

three simple words that incorporate so much action, so much emotion, so much energy, so much. he had no hang-ups, no boundaries, no fear. aaron just said it. he wasn't told by his folks, "no, aaron, you're not old enough to understand love. we don't say those words to our babysitters and caretakers. we only say them to friends and family, people we've known for 10 years or more."

i had a disenchanting weekend, really lonely, discouraging, hard. i tried though. spent time with 2 old friends. called another. delighted by a central american breakfast of black beans, potatoes, eggs and fried plantains (i heart plantains!). swam (or at least walked in the pool). and still it was difficult. and so, i remembered aaron's message. no strings, no hassle, no buts, no holding back. just a pure and sweet and simple, i love you.

love's charge dear sisters, dear brothers

dear sisters
my loves,
i charge you
as daughters of the most high king,
as women of worth and valor,
as ones who seek to know the
sovereign face of Love's true embrace,
guard your hearts
for the heart is the wellspring of life;
it is a precious thing,
an honest treasure of inestimable worth;
treat the men in your life with
a sister's care, with tender words and
holy kisses, with truth and grace;
do not arouse or awaken love
until its time,
until the Beloved
releases the chords that hold your
hearts and bind them to Him;
your hearts, they deserve to be honored;
your love, it needs to be cherished;
and you, you are worth far more than rubies;
do not toss away something so dear to the wind
hoping it will carry you across the waves;
wait! take heart and wait.
let love find you.

dear brothers
my loves,
i charge you
as sons of the most high king,
as men of honor and dignity,
as ones who seek to know
the face of Glory;
guards your hearts
for the heart is a value worth more than gold,
greater than precious stones,
it is the wellspring of life;
protect the sisters in your life
with truth and fraternal tenderness,
with grace and loyalty;
do not give love away
until your Sovereign releases you;
and when His charge is given
pursue it with the force
of the knights of old,
with david's lire
and solomon's passion;
for your love is thing of great worth
not to be won by lust or flattery
but to be held dear and held close,
to be counted far more beautiful
and costly than any earthly thing.

Sisters, remember their mothers when thinking of your brothers. Brothers, as a brother once said to me, "think of your sisters as the mob boss' daughters." Honor each other in the Love of the Beloved.

my song is love

thank you, joel, for the mixed cd. my brother knows me well. the music lured me in to a delicious mellow monday. the first song, a message-- lovely. i've been thinking lately about what it really means to love, and it frequently turns me to meditate on the most widely known scriptures on the subject. overused (which waters it down), but good stuff.

patient. kind. does not envy (ouch). it does not boast (?). it is not proud (hmm). it is not rude (okay). not self-seeking (woah). not easily angered. keeps no record of wrongs. keeps no record of wrongs. keeps no record of wrongs. did i say, keeps no record of wrongs (personal reminder)? does not delight in evil. rejoices in truth.

always...

protects
trusts
hopes

perseveres (sigh)

never fails (whew. love wins, so i hear).

one important lesson i have learned through this-- it is completely a choice. a free will choice.