"are you bona fide?"

love that line from o brother where art thou. and today, i am. i just got paid to write. done it for free (though as part of my job) and done it for me. and now, well, now....

i'm bona fide.

camp, it's on its way.

she

The first mention of St. Valentine's Day is in Chaucer's Parliament of Foules (though it is up for debate which Valentine) in the 14th century in honor of King Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia, a poem for the love birds who wed at a very very young 15 years. Richard and Anne were true lovers who were evidently devoted to one another and deeply in love though it was an arranged match. In fact, neither took other lovers, no recorded illegitimate children, and Richard is noted in referring to Anne as his beloved. on her death he refused to walk into any room that reminded him of her and was described as being wild with grief. Also, Anne did not come with money. In fact, Richard paid Anne's brother Wencelslas for Anne's hand.

Anne was known for helping Richard with his temper, for pleading on behalf of Londoners and others endearing herself to the king, and though she remained childless throughout their 12 year marriage, he remained faithful.

And that is a couple to commemorate.

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

grace revisited.

mickey myers night falls on jericho street

i love u2's song grace. it is a blanket of comfort as i play it over and over. "what once was hurt, what once was friction, what left a mark, no longer stings; because grace makes beauty out of ugly things." i read an article in Christianity today where Bono speaks on grace. "Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff."

i would like to add a bit more to it. grace interrupts the consequences of death and grime. the cross was an act of Grace, but it was costly. i still have to respond to that grace. i still have to be proactive. otherwise, it cheapens grace, "it is forgiveness without repentance" as Bonhoeffer said.

i have found grace offered to me over and over; but if i don't accept it, move with it, then the beauty of it is lost.

emanuel gat dance

appreciation

“Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit.” Chekhov

a personal mantra of mine has been, "don't take it for granted. ever." because i have, especially in the past. have you ever found yourself looking back after having something and during that time you didn't realize how great it was? one personal example was living in downtown Chicago attending college there. i thoroughly enjoyed myself though i took for granted the opportunity to study there as well as the opportunity to live downtown. i had wonderful professors to teach me and train me, with resources beyond my 19 year old comprehension all at an incredible price (free). but i was depressed and confused and downcast and distracted and 19. i've been offered many opportunities like that and not realized how sweet the deal was.

i've also seen and experienced life without. felt the desert around me. and i have walked through a few valleys, the most recent one being pain. though to Job my life has been sunshine and cauliflower, it hasn't been easy.

the valleys have taught me an overwhelming gratefulness for the seasons of plenty. BUT, in the plenty, i am now grateful for the valley. there has been much to see from down there. much to learn. i read a quote today from the band, Relient K. "...But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." and i can say, it was grace that kept me in the valley and grace that led me out. and i don't take it for granted.

06.01.09

it's january 6th, 2009 already. this year started busy and the days have flown by so quickly. christmas and new years were jam packed with holiday goodness and family time. neal and i didn't stop though we had time to enjoy it all. neal made the christmas gravy that awed my family. i made some tart homemade cranberry sauce. we played with the girls, watched movies, and ate really delicious food for days and days. we toured a winery, remembered the alamo, strolled the riverwalk, did the new year's day polar bear swim. active and busy. but rich and full.

i am starting this new year not liking my writing anymore; but i'll keep writing. because i enjoy it. because i think i could be good with time and practice. because sometimes you just keep swimming even if it feels like it is all upstream.

i am starting this new year healthy again. after a year long battle with pain and illness, with accepting a chronic condition and then being told that i will be completely well in the next few months, i am ready to regain strength and start moving forward.

i am starting this year aware that i have had a skewed view of God's goodness in the past. he is good- all the time. and as i am in a place of contentment, i want to remember that fact no matter what the circumstances are.

i am starting this year joyful for my dear friend, brie as she prepares to be a bride. we have known each other for 18+ years, many many life seasons. i am thrilled for this esther season and honored to walk with you in it.

and, i am starting this year deeply in love, blessed to be journeying with you.

everything i needed to know about giving i learned from a turkish bellboy and a mexican cardboard village

it's that time of year where everyone is buying and buying and they don't know why. stores are overcrowded and messy. shoppers are kinda stupid stopping in the middle of the isle stripping little Susy down to see if the pants are going to be long enough next year. driver's are all on the holiday version of road rage.... Seasons Greetings to you too, you no good Fudge Eating Santa's Helper!!!

i heard one complaint this year from a mom who said, "well, no one needs anything!" last year i was pretty sickened by the gifting and holiday glimmering and the smiling and the cheesy movies and the glib seasonal songs. i didn't ask for gifts but i received some incredibly thoughtful and lovely ones. a jane austen cookbook, flannery o'connor books, dickens books and journals, an everyday tea pot, red tea towels. simple gifts of things i love.

but this year, i want to buy gifts. i am a whirl of ideas for someone in particular, and can't wait to shop. and it's not about the buying or the gifts themselves. it's the excitement of giving. i love it. not the money part or the material part. it's the thoughtful part i love especially when it's about love. when i lived in amsterdam, i had to send home gifts to my family making sure the package arrived before Christmas day. it was my first one apart from them. and so i searched for something for each one of them that was special and that tied me to them, that i could tie significance to. and then i wrote a Christmas letter to go with each gift. for my sister, i found jewelry. in her note, i talked the beauty i saw in her. my brother was on a new journey and was learning much through tolkien's books; i found a journal bilbo style.

this year we have wisely budgeted, set limits. i think i could buy and buy, again not for material wealth. for generosity. in 1997 i went to adana, turkey to take an apology from Christians to Muslims on the 900th anniversary of the crusades. there in adana, our bellhop invited us generously to his house. we took up his offer and i cannot begin to tell you the feast we had. i have not seen more food at the wealthiest tables here in austin, and i've sat at a few. we could have eaten for days on what was provided that one single meal. it was overwhelming to the senses. it was generosity beyond any i had encountered anywhere. we ate and ate large portions of cheeses and yogurt and kebab and dolmas and olives and fresh vegetables and pide and fresh fig, tea and coffee and ayran ( i could go on....) then he took us to the beach for turkish dancing and soda and cookies. to use a coined phrase, it was a feast fit for a king. and it was just for six measly americans wanting to bridge hundreds of years of hurt, still learning about gratefulness.

a month after the bellboy roasted us, some other friends came through the town hoping to meet with him. he couldn't have them over; he had spent a month's salary on our single meal.

going way back to 1990, i was on a missions trip in mexico to a cardboard village, helping run a children's Bible program. at the end of the week, the same thing. the village spent a month's salary to feed our team, the best and most humbling meal i had ever feasted on. once again, a third world country out gives the wealthiest nation in the world.

to only be half as generous is something i strive for. the least of these gave more than i can ever comprehend.

freely you have received, freely give.

bring it on.