gifts, grace, and gratefulness

i've been a little grumpy and upset lately as i watched kindness and grace abused by someone who expected it of me and took it in a kind of "grace greed"; not an ounce of gratitude was given. i wrestle with this so much because i don't know how to properly respond, how to love and serve as Christ loved and served; and in the same breath, NOT to be walked all over and to set healthy appropriate boundaries. grace was expected and not extended; it almost felt as if a "you owe me" beam was radiating from this person's forehead. i know that beam because i too have radiated that beam in the past.

and so it has me thinking through this thing called grace and the wonderful gifts and graces i have been given.

this year my boyfriend gave me the best valentines day i have ever experienced. he made homemade gnocchi, steak, veggies. had flowers and chocolates adorning a lovely table. gifts sitting in my chair. and to top it off he made homemade red velvet cake. he did it as a service, as an expression of love to me. and i saw it as a reflection of the love he knows from Christ. he did a lot; he didn't have to do so much. it was a grace, a gift for me and it touched me deeply. it was something lovely, beautiful. and i am so grateful for this man.

i have to say, i am so glad i am in service of a High King, a relational but revered God. i am also glad i know a Savior who graciously gave, who came to serve on this earth, who showed mercy to this soul, giving His life up and taking all my grime and gross-ness, and all the grime and gross-ness done to me, sacrificially walking to the cross not only carrying a great beam, but also the weight of the sin of all generations on his back, suffering greater pain than i'll ever comprehend, giving up the heavens, giving up his rights as the son of the Most High King, giving up breath, that we may enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. that we may know fellowship with the Author of goodness, truth, beauty, kindness, grace and mercy.

it takes humility to extend grace otherwise it is not grace. can you imagine Jesus walking around on this earth, pointing and saying, "you owe me. i gave you life." he didn't do that! in fact, he said he came to serve, to be a ransom for many. it wouldn't be grace if it required a payment. it wouldn't be mercy. it wouldn't be kindness. it wouldn't be goodness. his sacrifice was a gift! Jesus extended His grace fully aware that many would not accept his gift of life, fully aware that many would never show an ounce of gratitude, in fact, many would reject his gift, mock it, spit on it, deny it, abuse it. it wouldn't be true grace if gratitude was expected; by nature grace is unmerited.

and by nature grace takes humility to receive, to say i cannot do this on my own, i need love, i need help. it does matter how i respond to gifts, to grace, to service. neal has my devotion and my love. and i am always looking for ways to bless him, to serve him and love him more. Christ above all has my devotion and my love. His gift has eternal rewards; the counsel of the Holy Spirit, the title of adopted child of God, fellowship with Jesus, and when i die, I get to dwell in goodness, wisdom, mercy and love. and i am always looking for ways to bless him, to serve him, to love him more.

God's grace is for all but it can only be received in humility.

Matthew 20:25-28 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Art by Christopher Koelle