a "half" birthday

when my siblings and i were young whipper snappers we had a family tradition of the half birthday. since my parents had mother's day and father's day as well as birthdays, we asked for another excuse to celebrate, and my parents came up with the half birthday. we would have 1/2 of a cake and we could choose the meal and we were allowed to have one friend over. we would usually go somewhere, most likely hiking or camping.

today is my half birthday and i am thinking over the things I am truly thankful for through this trying, bizzare but fruitful summer. 1. i have a working car. i had thought and dreamt about my ideal vehicle-- a silver honda hybrid or hoping for subaru to introduce their own hybrid. silly me. i have a vehicle to drive, and i try to endear its crumpled hood as an ironic reminder that that God takes care of me. 2. i have a compassionate, good doctor who has helped me heal (dr. garrett bary if you are in the market for a chiropractor/acupunturist). 3. i have renewed friendships, friends who know me well, have supported me over the years, and hopefully who i have supported and loved as well. 4. through these lovely ladies i have found a love and appreciation for swimming again. swimming has helped not only my body heal and get stronger and healthy again but through it the Lord has revealed to me several things as i talk to him in the water and as we (deborah and carla) talk and pray together. 4. literature and art i cannot live without. they teach and reveal unknown beauty. 5. that my father is healthy and healing. 6. hope for what lies ahead.

maybe i'll go eat at gueros and find a half a piece of half-birthday cake. and no, revealing my age is no longer acceptable even though it is just a half birthday.

injustice, confusion, sympathy

The only way for me to receive justice is by denying any inkling of compassion this heart carries. I think my romantic meanderings were right on. The accident I had 2 months ago was most likely with an illegal allien. She is uninsured though her husband is, and she was excluded from his policy. Should I have called the cops? I would think she would have been deported and I know there are kids involved in the mix. And I know they must be suffering financially. I have experienced poverty but i know it cannot compare to that of the poverty of underdeveloped countries.
Where is my injustice? Their lack of financial responsibility, lack of responsibility period. Doctor bills piled up, my car functioning but in bad shape and I am left with two choices. I have to live with these things or sue an even poorer family (no thank you). A compassionate doctor, swimming, and friends make the injuries easier to bear. And now I learn and trust that my father in heaven will give me bread and not stones for the rest.

random quote

I have learned a deeper appreciation for Charles Dickens over this summer. David Copperfield has become a favorite novel of mine, and I was quite entertained by Nicolas Nickleby. My favorite quote from Nicolas Nickleby, a very random one, made me laugh a hearty laugh though I tried to hide it. I am endeared to Dickens' "buffoons"-- maybe both annoyed and endeared. They provide such a comic relief to the paragraphs that are otherwise filled with relentless hardship.


"You know, there is no language of vegetables which converts a cucumber into a formal declaration of attachment."

(Mrs. Nickelby reasoning why her neighbor throws garden vegetables at her)

8th hope arts festival week 2

well, it is the second week of the arts festival and so far it has been a feast for the senses. pamela nelson's awe inspiring stain glass windows, amanda legget's soulful voice, and myriads of visual and musical pieces all make this such a rich and full experience. friday is the spoken word event with essays and poems, words from hearts and minds of a diverse group of people. new moms, professors, musicians, theologians, linguists, word smiths, accountants, poets... all bringing new life to words that exist because of their authors' lives and thoughts. i am one of those and will post my poem, my exploration of grace, on friday before the event. i love being a part of this festival. it is always inspiring, a reminder to create and enjoy creation. this year has been quite a blessing working with jodi h. co-managing the event-- which makes the load much much lighter. and now we pray that the 20% chance of rain will reduce to 0% and the crowds will show and hearts will be blessed.

condition of the heart

My father had a heart attack Tuesday morning. at 5:45 in the morning he woke my mom up to call 911. he eats well; the idea of eating white bread or even white rice is repulsive to him. he takes his medicine. he is quite active in the outdoors taking care of the yard, doing home projects. doesn't smoke or drink. he had a heart attack 20 years ago around this time, a triple bypass 19 years ago around this time, and one stent put in 2 years ago around this time. the stent, a modern medical miracle that is supposed to last 15 years, collapsed for no reason. the cardiologist was so baffled by the stent collapsing (and the heart attack) that my dad's case will be reported to the american college of cardiology. the stent is replaced. dad is recovering well; he is cracking jokes, making friends, and talking back to the tv. when i told him that Sophie (one of their 3 breeding dogs) was a mess, he said, "oh, I need to bathe her when I get home." we told him not to worry about it. dad is ready to come home now, but they are playing it safe and releasing him tomorrow.
it gave mom, kara and i quite a scare. it was the call i had been dreading for years. i begged and pleaded with the Lord for mercy. i hadn't cried like that in a while. he is still young. i wasn't ready for him to leave this crumbling earth. are we ever ready?
so how is the condition of my heart? how is my anger with the Lord? i am grateful that dad is with us. i am relieved. but... no, no what if's. i wish i could say, 'it is well with my soul'; i can't right now, even though dad is out of danger. that is said not with pride and arrogance scoffing at God because He didn't make my life or my loved ones' lives easier and now i am going to stop trusting him (or maybe it is... hmmm). it is said with reproof. i want to say 'it is well'. i don't know how. i am still learning. yes, there is pride and arrogance in me (that kind that goes back to the fall) of wanting to be God-like, trying to grasp a full understanding of Him. not that knowing him more and desiring more of him is a sin, but trying to be God and deciding on my own what is best for me, my loved ones, this earth, pretending to completely know his heart, his way; there is the folly. walking on my own without trust... aye, there's the rub. oh, but to trust him and to walk into a storm and say '...when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever the cost thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul.' that is what i want! that is something i strive toward. when accidents happen and loved ones suffer, i want the peace of Christ which transcends all understanding to guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

elm creek lane

After two weeks (actually, more like a month) of quite the relentless schedule, of working and then running to the next thing, i took a weekend off to go home to my parents and relax. my boss closed the office on friday and i only had to stay and wait for the mail. it came and i left! kara asked me to lunch and then hit the road. i stopped to get a "toothbrush" (ie. all the things i forgot to pack) and made it to my folks for dinner. friday night tradition in my parent's house has been the same for 17 years-- burgers on the grill. homemade burgers, good conversation, followed by a movie from the holcombe collection (this friday night feature was "My Fair Lady"). we all crawled in our respective sleeping receptacles, me with Bessie, a nine year old female dachshund, my ever faithful bed-warmer.

Saturday morning has a food tradition as well-- whole grain waffles (and mom makes pancakes for me as waffles are too heavy). i usually add fruit and nuts to mine; bananas and almonds graced the face of my delicious pancake this time around. We sat around together at the table, catching up, joel and i making jokes, and as usual, there was some literary discussion, though it did not spring out of great thought and contemplation. none of us could remember the authors of don quixote or pygmalion, both brought up in relation to friday night's feature. does spain have plains for the rain to remain in?
After breakfast we all headed in various directions; dad to the lawn, joel to corrie's and mom and i to waxahachie for some "antiquated therapy". Waxahachie has always had a quaintness and charm that draws both my mom and me. Grand Victorian-style homes, small town feel, and a sweet downtown square with our favorite-- antique shops. We always hit the same one's searching for that incredible deal. Mom found 7 pieces of 19th century china for 5 dollars, and I found a jade plate for 2 dollars. We had lunch of chicken salad and spinach salad in one of the charming tea rooms on the square, and we discussed how we would like to decorate our houses. Mom bought us fresh linen scented candles with delightful votive holders from the Dove's Nest, a more modern, trendy (and expensive) nick-knack store. Following this well spent morning, we went to pick up a movie for the evening, deciding to purchase 3. To ensure that there were no defects, we had to watch one, Pride and Prejudice. [ Though there are a few scenes that make me whence with disgust at the writing/acting/directing, there are several others that feed my 'artist' and quench the thirst for good art. (overall, i cannot stand the writing of the film in comparison to other austen adaptations, but the cinematography and music delight me to no end.)]
to complete our relaxing and fun-filled Saturday, mom, dad and i feasted on mexican food and retreated to the couches for root beer floats and "Charlotte's Web". A wholesome, well-written movie, it evoked a series of hearty belly-laughs from all sides of the room, and I think we all enjoyed ourselves thoroughly!

I have to interject quickly to explain the importance of these simple facts and my reason for recording such mundane events. The reason is simply that they are simple. they are good. they are comforting. they are true. they are pure. they are home. finding a place where there is tradition, where there are things, events, people, you can count on, rely on-- that is home. I only lived in the house first for the last two years of high school, a few months after one college, and then a couple of years after another. Our other house I lived in from 2 years to 16. But in that yellow house on elm creek lane, some things remain the same and traditions do not change. My parents have shared 37 years of marriage. The creek in the back still rarely fills with water. Sparky, the next door neighbor's yellow lab, still barks all night. Friday and Saturday burgers and waffles still appear. Bessie still greets us with a sweet show of affection-- a wagging tail, humble eyes, licking tongue, and occasionally "happy-pee". Mom still takes me on a tour of the changes and growth of her plants. Dad still readily mentions updates from the missionaries he gladly 'shepherds' through his role of church missions coordinator. The new things, the additions, only add more to this feeling of home and tradition. The 3 adorable puppies dad is raising to be breeding dogs-- they add affection and joy and entertainment. The wisteria mom planted a couple of years ago adds new shade to dad's well built 17 year old deck. The green walls of the reading room that house my grandmother's bed, my favorite room to sleep in during my stay, only add to the warmth and comfort and simplicity of this home.

My favorite new tradition is the Sunday morning traditional tea and scones and conversation. This is where most of our literary discussions occur. Mom is an avid reader, especially of Tolkein and various children's novels. Dad has written some poetry and started a children's book based on stories he told us throughout our childhood. Joel writes and when he takes the time, he also is a great reader. Two years ago on mom's birthday Joel and I took this time to create a birthday gift for mom, Tea with Mr. Tumnus. Paper snowflakes, toast and sardines, and tea with scones, it was a memorable time for us all.

And back to the weekend, this Sunday I did enjoy sitting around the table with everyone with our tea and scones; but sadly there was no literary discussion. We had a guest/ soon to be a family member (Joel's fiance), and so it was not the same Sunday morning discussions. Everyone left and went to church but I stayed on hoping to find time to journal and read 'Artists Way' and write. There were several noisy distractions so I ended up playing with the dogs and grocery shopping for lunch (other wholesome past-times).

I am grateful for this home and my weekend getaway. it was a full and rest-full weekend filled with tradition, simple joys and pleasures, and the company of my parents. I came back with loads of chigger bites and a huge gas bill, but I also came back rested and restored (with my own copy of pride and prejudice as well as a antique $2 jade plate).

front row to minor tragedy

Jay Janner Austin American Statesman

So this morning I couldn't go straight to my office because of an accident. When I arrived at my office I found that the major part of the accident was caddy-corner to our building. There were multiple fire trucks, multiple police cars, multiple ambulances, and a non stop media frenzy. From everything I gather an SUV was at fault; my boss saw the driver walking around dripping wet with airbag liquid. His front end was folded in accordion style. And then there was a bus in the front lawn of the building across the way! I arrived after the crash when the first emergency vehicles had come. The bus pictured above swerved to miss the SUV crashing into a brick wall, crossing through 2 parking lots and then ending up slammed into the side of the building. The bus driver was pinned in because her leg was caught; reports say she broke the leg and her injury is one of two serious ones. A passenger on the bus suffers the other serious injury. It looked as if another bus was involved somehow as well. It was on the scene when I arrived and was here before the police arrived. The most accurate story I have read on the accident is in the Statesman.

There were no fatalities, no life-threatening injuries. They just cleared up the accident and the bus has been towed from the building, three hours later. How amazing that it wasn't more tragic; it could have been much worse. And talk about near misses. I could have been driving earlier down that road and been involved, the bus could have crashed into our building instead.

I can't imagine how fearful the passengers from that bus are now. They must be frightened to ride a bus again, and they must have a lot to process. As I pulled in my lot, I heard one of the passengers, a homeless man, shout "I'll never ride the bus again!" I wonder at how CapMetro is handling them; are they providing free rides and bus passes to compensate and ensure they still have these people as customers. It was minor compared to other accidents, but it still has a tragic air. It is amazing how fleeting and futile this life is. On a 2 lane road on a quiet and simplistic block in the laid-back city of Austin, a bus loaded with morning passengers smashes into a building. Though it is a mere trifle in comparison to recent events in sleepy towns far from this one, it leaves an impression.